It’s a really hard topic to write about. If you have a physical disability, chances are that you’ve needed help (the unpaid kind) from a friend or family member at some point in you life. Have you ever had those instances of help thrown back at you in the ‘heat of battle’? I have. I suspect most of us have. Here is my take on why it sucks.
If you’re anything like me, you hate asking anyone for help in ways that your able-bodied peers don’t usually need help. I have stayed awake all night rather than ask for help, and spent an extra hour or two on the floor rather than hassle someone unnecessarily. My reasoning being, I choose to live my life as independently as I can. This means accepting that from time to time I will be uncomfortable and inconvenienced because I can’t want independence on the one hand and expect others to stop their daily lives on the other.
Freya
Pity
Anyone with a disability will know what it’s like to feel pitied – to be considered one of those ‘less fortunate’. It’s a sentiment that can follow us wherever we go. Sometimes it’s one of those flashing road signs that everyone can’t help but notice. At other times it’s more subtle like a gas that takes all the air from the room. So how can it be dealt with, without turning you into a frustrated or embittered creature from the deep?
The act of pity comes from a well-meaning place. It’s a well-intended act of kindness. It is also an assumption on their part. Some parts of our existence are more complicated than they are for most, it’s an inescapable fact. Able-bodied people are aware of that and feel bad for us – for what they have ‘have’ and we ‘lack’.
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