Yes, I know it’s meant to come last in the order, but it’s almost the holidays, why not put it second? And for my second act of rebellion … ‘automobile’ is strictly defined as well a car, but I don’t drive, nor do I have any entertaining car stories. I do instead, have some interesting wheelchair stories from a misspent youth, so we’re going with that okay?
If you want to run away you need a better get-away vehicle
I have three older brothers. From time to time I wanted to run away. As a child, I had foolproof plans for escape. As an adult, I can tell you that there are too many flaws for any ‘wheelchair get-away plan’ to be successful.
Firstly, most electric chairs have hub caps in the centre of each back wheel that can be disengaged. These enable the wheelchair to be pushed manually if the need arises, but also means that the chair can no longer be driven electronically by the occupant. Many a brilliant escape plot was thwarted by older brothers who were aware of how the wheels go round.
Secondly, wheelchair batteries only keep their charge for so long, after which they need their charger and a power point to keep going. This means that you might make it to the nearby park, but probably not to your grandparent’s house in Newcastle. There are no power points on the road and chargers can be heavy to carry that far on your tray. Plus, wheelchairs are cold places at night.
Electric wheelchairs cannot swim …
I know this from personal experience. Sometime in the Christmas holidays, when I was around 12, I’d just got busted by my mother for doing something (Who? Me? Never!) What does a kid do when they’ve been sprung? They try to get back in the good books. My chosen method was to attempt to pick the most beautiful flower at the very edge of the pool (this was prior to the pool fencing requirements we have now). Next minute, I was in the pool. As I was strapped in, if it weren’t for my brothers who heard the splash, I might have drowned. I’m glad I didn’t … The wheelchair of course, did not survive. Batteries, electronics and litres of chlorinated water do not mix well and I eventually got a new chair. I do remember that, for the rest of that day, I waited for a punishment that never came. I guess the parentals were just glad I survived too.
So, if your chair is your automobile, don’t break it!
Merry Christmas. The end.
See you in 2010 …
Freya
