Welcome to the first in a series of three blog posts – just in time for summer time travelling – called ‘Planes, trains and automobiles’. First up, planes …
I have travelled by plane many times, both internationally and domestically. While I realise how fortunate this makes me in terms of having a choice of holiday destinations, the actual travel experience has always kind of sucked.
Before getting on the plane:
When you arrive at the airport to check in, there are some things you should be prepared for:
No matter how much you’ve pre-planned for your flight (forewarned the airline of your existence etc.), they are likely to treat you as if you are an alien and act as though they had no idea that you were travelling with them that day. This is probably because the staff member you are dealing with really didn’t know you were coming. The company’s main goal is to fly around the world without hitting mountains etc., communication about passenger requirements is a secondary consideration.
Due to an aforementioned lack of communication, chaos may ensue as they figure out what to do. You may feel yourself becoming a bit of a spectacle. I suggest you embrace the madness, sing songs, whatever. You will never see these people again anyway.
Pray. If you are a wheelchair user, pray that your chair makes it to the destination in one piece (it is best not think about how the loading staff care for it once it is out of your sight). Also, when they move you from your wheelchair to the aisle seat wheelchair for transfer to the plane, don’t worry, no woman’s butt has ever sat comfortably in one of these. They were built for Aeroplane Barbie. If you are not a wheelchair user, you might want to pray that no one makes a comment about you ‘looking so normal’. This would be purely for their sake, of course.
On board:
Bathrooms, or should I say the lack of accessible ones … Even the most beautiful of destinations loses its shine once you realise that, due to the size and lack of accommodations, such as hand rails, you might only be able to go to the toilet once or twice during an 8 hour flight (with help). My answer to this issue? Do not drink anything at all from the time you step onto the plane until you touch down. Yes, they say it’s important to keep hydrated, but ‘they’ can use the bathroom whenever ‘they’ wish. You could feel a bit sick, but look at it this way, less water now might mean more drinks with tiny umbrellas later.
When you first board the plane, feel free to ignore the in-flight safety information. Why? Because, as a person with a disability, only the oxygen mask part applies to you. You will be told by one of the flight attendants that, in case of an emergency, that they will come back and get you once all of the other passengers have left the plane. Here’s the thing, by the time they get back to you, the plane will have crashed and burned. Best just make the most of your last few moments and get them to pass you the rum from the drinks trolley on their way past.
Upon arrival at your destination:
Your experience here will no doubt be eerily (and annoyingly) similar to that of boarding the plane, except in reverse. You’ll be the last person off the plane, so try to duck as the other passengers hit you in the head with their carry bags in their great rush to get off – only to wait half an hour for the rest of their luggage at the baggage carousel.
If your equipment arrives with you and all in one piece, be very happy. Find your hotel. Drink water and sleep. Your holiday starts here.
Freya
